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Streamed live on 5 Apr 2020
Leaving the old adage about “being an ass” aside, in times like this it’s possible to literally kill yourself or others if you assume something without the proper evidence to back it up. ‘Course at that point it’s not exactly an ‘assumption’ anymore, now is it?
(*From Briget) Copied and pasted (lightly edited).
- AMERICA: Oh my god! Coronavirus! What should we do?
- CALIFORNIA: Shut down your state.
- AMERICA: Wait… what? Why?
- CALIFORNIA: Because 40 million people live here and we did it early, and it’s working.
- ALABAMA: Whoa… whoa… let’s not be hasty now. The president said that this whole coronavirus thing is a democratic hoax.
- CALIFORNIA: He also said that windmills cause cancer. Shut down your state.
- TEXAS: But the president said that we only have 15 cases and soon it’ll be zero.
- CALIFORNIA: The president can’t count to fifteen. Nor even spell it. Shut down your state.
- NEW JERSEY: Us too?
- CALIFORNIA: Yes, you guys too. Just like when Christie shut down the bridge, but it’s your whole state.
- FLORIDA: But what about all these kids here on spring break?? They spend a lot of money here!
- CALIFORNIA: Those kids invented the tide pod challenge. Shut down your state.
- LOUISIANA: But wait let’s have Mardi Gras first. It entertains people.
- CALIFORNIA: It also kills them. Shut it down.
- GEORGIA: Ok well how about we keep the state open for all of our mega churches? Maybe we can all pray really hard until the coronavirus just goes away!
- CALIFORNIA: Which is working like a charm for mass shootings. Jesus told us to tell you to shut down your state.
- OKLAHOMA: What about the tigers?
- CALIFORNIA: What about a dentist. Shut it down.
- WYOMING: Hold up, maybe we should go county by county like the president said.
- CALIFORNIA: Stop acting like there are counties in Wyoming. There are no counties in Wyoming. Wyoming is a county. Shut it down.
- PENNSYLVANIA: But big coal.
- CALIFORNIA: But big death. Shut it.
- WEST VIRGINIA: But we were the last state to get coronavirus!
- CALIFORNIA: And don’t make us explain to you why that was. Shut it down.
- NORTH CAROLINA: But the republican national convention is coming here!
- CALIFORNIA: SHU… ok fine, do what you want.
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